how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
