My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
