Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
