Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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