True but thats because hes a fetus.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
