so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
