your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You took a bar mat shot.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
