yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
pop tarts are not kleenex
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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