she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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