just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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