Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
