She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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