I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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