I wanna bring you to show and tell
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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