i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
