dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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