There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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