I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
