i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
