just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
