I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
