When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
