I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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