dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
