i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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