dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You don't make any sense
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