your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
