Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
