I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize