I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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