yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
