Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.

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(302): View more from Delaware

She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get

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(843): View more from South Carolina

when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.

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(+61): View more from Australia

He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.

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(941): View more from Florida

I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE

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(425): View more from Washington

oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture

(1-425): View more from Washington

this is why i will never break up with you

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