My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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