My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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