Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
