I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
