I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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