I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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