i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
