Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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