Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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