Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
