I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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