i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
