That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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