I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
