You made me cry and you don't even care
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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