walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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