i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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