sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
