Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
