Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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