So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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