the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
