just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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