they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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