For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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