Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
