I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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