so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
