my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
