Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
