chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
