I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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