i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
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