oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
