barbara walters just said penis...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
