There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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